Finding your life partner and soul mate (Part 1)

Finding the ideal life partner is one of the most important things in life for many people. Many people have different criteria as to what qualities their life partner should have. In fact, many people believe that there is one single person made for them who exist, a soul mate.

The search for a life partner has been made easier with the advancement of technology. Technology simplifies the search. With one click and within seconds, people can send e-mails to everyone around the world. Websites offer online dating service. Speed-dating is fast becoming a weekend activity for singles who are ready to get on the wagon of marriage.

Years ago, most people get married to have children or own a home. However, according to Paul Amato, professor of sociology, demography and family studies at Penn State University, marriage is now considered as a “vehicle for self-fulfillment and happiness” (Shulman, 2004). According to the Department of Statistics in Singapore, “as of 2003, an estimated three in ten registered marriages ended in divorce” (Chuah, 2008). Why is this so?

Shulman (2004) states that people now want a partner who reflects their taste and status, accepts and loves them for who they are and helps them become the person they want to be. Joshua Coleman, a San Francisco psychologist says relationships are pressured to live up to an unrealistic ideal and remaining in a relationship that isn’t working is considered “an act of existential cowardice” (Shulman, 2004).

In an online poll by www.misterpoll.com, 52% of 146 online voters believe in the concept that there is a soul mate for them. 35% of them state that they will settle for no less than to marry their soul mate and  33% of them think it is very important for them to find their soul mate.

There are many definitions of soul mate. Author of paperback Soulmates, Thomas Moore, defines a soul mate as “someone to whom we feel profoundly connected, as though the communicating and communing . . . between us were not the product of intentional efforts, but rather a divine grace” (Moore, 1994).

The search for love, a life partner or the quintessential soul mate is now increasingly becoming a type of science. For instance, psychiatrist Paul Dobransky developed the overall model of psychology called mindOS, the operating system of the human mind through. Dobransky (2007) claims there are four types of men and four types of women namely kings or queens, warriors, magicians and lovers. He claims the model can “explain how soulmates really exist scientifically”.

Kathryn Alice, a licensed spiritual counselor, conducts workshops on love and she claims that “many people manifest their soul mate within seven days” (Alice, 2003) of her workshops.

Chau Vuong, founder and CEO of three technology companies who has “dedicated his life and wealth to finding his soul mate and helping others to do the same” has created a mathematical model called the Love Economic Model. He claims that the model can predict and explain all human behaviour pertaining to love and also “promote intelligent dating by explaining love using simple math equations” (Vuong).

Psychologist James Houran tried to dispel these notions of soul mates by stating in an online magazine that during the early stages of a relationship the brain naturally releases a natural high that is misconstrued by people. He also states that “friendship, passion and intimacy and a conscious decision to commit” are the three elements to a successful loving relationship over a lifetime.

Counselor Kenneth Sprang suggests that our soul mate will share the same vision and attitude about life as us and is concerned about our happiness as he or she is about his or her own happiness in http://family-marriage-counseling.com.

In the same website, therapist Lisa Kift shares ten characteristics of a successful relationship which she has identified through her work as a counselor, which are, friendship, humour, communication, chore-sharing, sexual intimacy, affection, reliability, avoiding criticism or contempt, having mutual and separate friends, and developing relationship vision.

Different individuals have different opinions, different visions of themselves and different dreams. These differences can be a result of a person’s background or the way she has been brought up and also a person’s vision of how she sees herself with their life partner years down the road or the kind of life she wants for herself.